The Three Sisters

Let me try to describe what life is like from a woman’s point of view in a traditional society like Cambodia. Last night, I invited out three sisters who worked in the market just outside of Angkor Wat. They were 29, 27 and 22. They bought one of the stalls just outside of the temple and were selling T shirts, drinks, and whatever else they could get their hands on to sell. Whenever tourists walked by they ran out and attacked like vultures with their hands full of books and scarves. I sat and watched them for quite a while as I drank my coke just inside their stall but out of the way. We got a chance to talk quite a bit because ,frankly, the tourists are way down this year due to the world economy and a variety of other factors and they had time on their hands. In fact, we became quite good friends ( I think) and I took them out for supper. (The bill, Sylvia, for four of us was $8.00)

As we talked, I discovered that there were 10 of them living in one house, the house of the elder sister. In fact, there were mattresses on the floor and often they slept in the same bed. They had two other sisters, a brother and an assortment of nieces. Like my friends in Myanmar who usually take me out on Sundays, we talked about dating, marriage as well as their hopes and dreams. Of course, they all want to get married, but it is not possible, they said, to meet a man because they are too busy working every day from sunrise to sunset (literally because tourists often come to take pictures at both of these times). Where, they said, could we possibly meet a man and since arranged marriages were no longer happening in their family they seemed destined for maidenhood.

If one of the fellow stall owners liked them, they told me, they would never go out on what we call a ‘date’ from the western perspective. That would be unheard of. It would simply not be acceptable, in this small town, as a single woman ,to be seen with a man alone, even in a restaurant. The only thing that made it acceptable last night was that there were three of them and only one of me. They would never be alone with a man until they got married. When I asked them about the subject of kissing, and I mean literally kissing, no hanky panky, they said that would never happen and could never happen. That is something that happens after marriage they told me. Interestingly enough, when I asked them what would happen if things were not satisfactory in the marriage, they said divorce was acceptable in traditional society and is not frowned upon, as kissing would be before marriage.

Women also have to dress very modestly, even to go swimming. I have a beautiful swimming pool at my hotel (sort of) but when it is in the high 30’s any swimming pool is beautiful. When I invited them in swimming after dinner they surprisingly agreed but jumped in with their clothes on. I also saw this the night before when there was some sort of teenage party at the hotel for a birthday or something. The boys were wearing the skimpiest swimming trunks imaginable and the women were fully dressed in all their modesty.

When I discussed this with them, the eldest sister admitted it was quite tough being a woman. She constantly had to worry about what others thought whereas her brother could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted. Apparently he drank, played cards and did it all. At the same time, she was paying for his university with the money she made at the stall and like all Asians, giving her parents most of the money to survive as a family. Old age security, in traditional societies ,is having children.

When I asked the older one what her hopes and dreams were, she said buying five hectares of farmland and inviting destitute people to come and work the farm, sell the produce in town and become self-sufficient. She said she had given it a lot of thought and that is exactly what she wanted to do. The elderly on the farm, who could no longer work would be supported by the healthiest and youngest.

Too bad she is not a man…then maybe this dream could become a reality. Now she is just too busy working the stall seven days a week, going home and cooking supper for 10 people, doing the laundry, buying the goods for sale and taking care of her parents…and she is not even the oldest!