Fun, family and Food

When my golf partners took me out for supper after the game one of them asked me what I thought the main differences were between Asians and Westerners. Since we were eating supper, let me tell you what I told them, beginning with food (since we were eating supper at the time!)

In Asia, I have discovered, everything revolves around food. I remember my first week in Singapore I told my boss I wanted to speak with him about an important matter. He responded: “Let’s go eat.” After we ordered the meal and we began to eat, I began to discuss the business matter on hand. His response was; “Wait, when we finish eating.” Eating in Asia is a very ritualistic and one better not break the pattern. For example, when I go to Chinese weddings they always serve white rice at the end, after about 10 courses. The correct response, even if you are starving, is to reject the rice. Why? Because it would be an insult to the host if you had to fill yourself on rice after a ten course meal!

Also in Asia, they bring the food to the table in the order in which it is prepared. There is no European order like soup to nuts. In fact, soup is usually served last, which still blows me away. Asians seem to eat lots of things in restaurants but always in small quantities. When I am sitting with colleagues and there are 10 dishes on the table, I find the one I like and gorge on that, leaving the rest of the eating and tasting to the Asians. I am not a ‘grazer’ like they are.

Social security is a very interesting topic in Asia. I assume you know what the social security plan is in Asia. Have lots of children. There is not one Asian adult I have every met that does not support their parents, even if their parents hardly need their support. Westerners tend to put their old in old age homes and so on. That would never happen here. The youngest generally lives with the parents and does not marry if that is what it comes to or if all the kids marry, the parents live with one of the kids, if not in the same house, at least in the same compound or area in the village.

Their sense of space is also very different. Yesterday, one of the partners touched me on the thigh which had me wondering a bit. Today, another colleague touched me the same way. Either they are expecting to receive their Biblical birthright from a blind Jacob (was it?) or they are just touchy-feely. There is no such thing as personal space. I am going to go to the airport in a few minutes, and I know there is no such thing as a line. I thought Israel was bad, but Asia a hundred times worse. People will bud in, there will be no lines except for western tourists not knowing any better) and everyone will be touching and pushing. Men walk down the road holding hands, as do women for that matter. While waiting at a bus stop or worse, sitting or standing on a bus, there will be people all over you. If you need to maintain the western one yard or one meter of space, never visit Asia…you will always feel uncomfortable.

I also think Buddhism plays a major role in how Asians interact with each other and with foreigners. Since they believe in an afterlife and working towards Nirvana they have to continually make merit on earth. That is why, by the way, I find it so contradictory how they behave at airports, but that is another story. I almost think that Buddhism leads to a certain passivity but in reading Aug San Su Chi’s book ( my apologies for the spelling) she says Buddhists have to make their own destiny.

The most startling difference, though, I think, is western creativity, spontaneity and problem solving skills. These are not highly valued in the east and as a result, Asians make great factory workers and so on, but not that great leaders and problem solvers, in my opinion anyway and those of the leaders who are trying to reform education to make it more western. I certainly hope they do not throw out the baby with the bath water but maintain their discipline, hard work and diligence.

I know everything that I told him is very controversial and open to much stereotyping on my part, but he did ask and I did answer him in the way I have written.

p.s how could I possibly forget about smoking. Asians smoke everywhere. It was sort of shocking for me today in this meeting in a beautiful board room around a mahogany table when the chairmen lit up. They smoke during meals, they smoke in the bathroom and I presume they smoke in bed...to be verified by someone else!